{My Gravity}

Today, I'm participating in



The prompt I have choosen is "If you could stop time for 24 hours, what would you accomplish?"

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"If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save everyday
Til eternity passes away
just to spend them with you"
--Jim Croce

If I could stop time for twenty-four hours, I would spend it doing the most important things in life, even though at the end of the day it would apppear I'd accomplished nothing. 

I love my life right now, truly, I do.  There are bumps.  I am bruised. But, I see the light; and at the end of the day I smile at thoughts of the moments of pure bliss I was blessed to experience.  I smile a welcome good morning to life as its sun drenched fingers peel the curtains back from my eyes.  I attempt to treasure the smallest of life's victories when they happen, because it makes the iron clad pills of disappointment easier to swallow.  However, with all of that said, and as trite as it seems, sometimes life's neccessities get in the way of life's gravity.

I'm lucky enough to have my own forces of gravity in this world.  I have a snaggle toothed boy who reminds me to come down to earth and enjoy the simple things in life, like taking pleasure in watching a tower topple just as much as you relished its construction.  I have a best friend who literally finds occasion to remind me to breathe.  I have friends who help me keep grounded by loving the hell out of life with me.  I have family who holds me together when I fall apart.  And somehow, even though all these people tie me to the earth, keep me grounded, focused, and alive, they too help me to soar.  But, I miss them.  Life gets in the way. 

I long to stop time for even a mere minute so I can focus on my gravity.  If I had a whole twenty-four period, well, that would be heavenly.  I'd wake up early and savor the quiet that is known only by the wee morning hours.  I'd read a trashy novel and sip from a hot mug while I patiently waited for the world to wake up.  I'd play with Rowan, really play with him.  I wouldn't be distracted by email or work worries.  I wouldn't rush to balance him on one hip and put makeup on.  We'd cook breakfast together and giggle over blueberry pancakes.  I wouldn't worry about the sticky mess of the syrup smeared on my shirt or living room.  We'd leave the laundry and the dishes.  Our beds would stay unmade.  We'd race to the park for the best swing and roll in the grass.  We'd meet our friends for lunch and laugh like we'd just learned how.  We'd revel in the long country drive to my childhood home, singing at the top of our lungs.  We'd cuddle with grandparents and I'd smile over sticky dinners of ice cream, cake, and popsicles. And, after Rowan was safely tucked away into his bed as he always is in my heart.  I'd walk a slow, steady walk across the campus of my alma mater hand in hand with my love and relive all the things that brought me here.  I'd lounge in gravity's arms and deeply inhale it.  If I could suspend time, for those twenty-four hours, I'd love.

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{My First Mother's Day}

I woke up yesterday to slobbery kisses from my boy and amazing gifts from the hubs. Seriously, he gave me a gift for each role I play in life. Some teething bling for my momma life, a DS cooking game for my wife life, a teaching guide for my teacher life, and a novel for my me time. Beautiful. He gets me, appreciates me, and is more than I deserve. But I still couldn't wrap my head around the day being about me. After all, I wouldn't even be a mother to celebrate mother's day if it weren't for Rowan. So, I spent the whole day in absolute awe of him. I swear ever thing he did made me melt which isn't really any different than normal, but I noticed the melting. I am blessed.

Speaking of being blessed, I also had trouble focusing on me because I couldn't help but think of my own mother and how much I understand her now. It's almost uncomfortable how much I get it. Understanding a mother's love first hand is honestly the only possible way to understand it. Nothing else allows you to comprehend that depth and breadth. Knowing that someone else feels that way is almost too intimate, too personal, but alters your relationship to them forever. I know my mother's love and dedication now because I know my own. I cry when my child cries. I feel my heart burst when he laughs. I consider him with every decision I make and he never, never leaves my thoughts. At this point, I feel his emotions more intensely than he does. I love him in a way the word love doesn't do justice.

Thank you mom for loving me as only a mother can.

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