{A New Year}

I don't put much faith in fate.  I don't believe in meant to be's or master plans.  However, I was clearly destined to be a teacher. 

I get the same kind of rush each August that most people only experience January first.  There is just something so refreshing and innocent about the start of Fall and the back to school banter that fills the air.  I love redecorating my classroom.  I fill my head with goals and high ideals I know I'll probably never achieve.  I am introduced to a hundred and twenty new faces that will fill my days.  Likely, those faces with be accompanied by quite a few new challenges too.  It's my New Year because its a time for renewal and fresh starts.  Also, by the time January rolls around, I'm half way to a 3 month vacation.  Furthermore, I find Fall heavenly. 

This year, however, it is going to be bittersweet.

Rowan will be starting daycare soon.  We avoided it last year but this year there was no choice.  I know daycare is wonderful.  Honestly, I worked in one for years and know all of the benefits.  Furthermore, my child needs boundaries and routine like the desert needs the rain.  Neither of which I am great at providing.  Also, I am not cut out to be a stay at home momma.  I admire those of you who do, but I couldn't.  I love my son too much to make him spend his days stuck with a mother who is secretly longing to be elsewhere.  I love my son, but right now, I want to experience other things in addition to that love.  I need to feel fulfilled outside my home, in my career, in myself.  I am a better mother for some time away.  He is a better child for the chance to be exposed to other fantastic people and playmates.

Still though, it makes me a wee bit sad. 

So, we are spending the next two weeks the only way I know how, doing the only thing I've ever done -- preparing to go back to school.  We are cherishing our last full days together.  I'm getting my school supplies and classroom ready.  Rowan is getting a new lovey and crayons.  We are getting new school clothes and shoes.  And, I am reminding myself that Rowan is getting to share in one of my favorite past times.

Read more...

{Sweet Success}

Success. I have been stressing a lot lately about how to measure a successful day. Is it when all of my papers are graded, lesson plans written, baby fed, husband loved, dishes done, laundry folded, dog walked, all of these things, five of these things. When is it enough to feel victorious? And then, I realized the key.

Carelessness.

As in, I don't care.

I don't care what anyone thinks I should be able to accomplish in my day. I am a full time teacher (Read: I mother 120 children. I am a secretary. I am a nurse. I am a counselor. I am a friend. I am a role model. I am a mediator. I am a business woman. I am a badass.) I am a full time mother and wife. In my down time, when it exists, I spend time on myself. Yes, my dishes are still in the sink. The bathroom needs mopped, badly. And, I may wear a pair of dirty jeans tomorrow. However, I played with my boy until he laughed and his nose turned red. I held him while he dreamed. I kissed him and he hugged me. I shared a drink with my husband and listened to the events of his day. I talked to family on the phone.

I have decided that a successful day is going to bed with a smile on my face. I have found this so much easier to do now that I've stopped worrying about what I am supposed to do and started doing what comes naturally.

Read more...

So, how's mommy life??

I am constantly amazed at how many times a day I am still asked this question. The people I work with are truly amazing and although we don't really have time to actually socialize, -- hello politics, thank you for entering the educational field, running teachers into the ground and inducing an all time burnout high -- they are always so friendly and supportive. Anyway, I digress. Life as a momma is better than I ever could have imagined. As crazy as it sounds, even though our lives have been turned upside down, the change is almost unnoticeable. Life with R is so natural, so fulfilling, that I can't believe I ever existed without him. He is a different baby everyday and never ceases to amaze me. So, while I'm exhausted and have to pencil in bathroom breaks, I wouldn't dare miss a minute. Life is stressful. I am torn a million different ways. Yet, I am hard-pressed to think of one thing I would change.

I'm not sure this natural air would even be possible if it weren't for how incredibly wonderful of a daddy R has. I am shocked by the number of people who ask about R like I am running the show solo. It saddens me to think of the number of women who must "do it all" while I am lucky enough to do all I want, fully supported. E and I are equal partners in this parenting gig.


Side note: Hello, my names is J and I often voice my goals with wild abandon, long before there is any hope of them being met. It has been 17 days since I claimed I was going to be an avid blogger and primo photographer. However, I've no doubt you understand my lackluster blog, as I wrangle hormonal preteens by day and tackle supermommy/wife responsibilities following the bell's toll. Sooner or later, I will be a real mommyblogger.

Read more...