{I've Never Been Good @ Taking Sides}

So, I have no idea how I will pick between the needs of my (future) children.  Last week, the husband and I went to a concert as part of our late anniversary celebration.  It was tame, country, Rascal Flatts and Kellie Pickler. So there were families swarming around us.  

Sidenote: Yes, I like country music amongst lots of other very different things.  Emery's music taste is greatly different but it was the only concert at the state fair the night we would be there.  So back to story.

Two rows in front of us there was an adorable family of four.  Their daughter was maybe 7 and their son approximately 4.  Although, I'm really bad at guessing ages so they could have been fourteen.  I'm fairly confident they were under ten though and about two years apart.  Long story longer, at first, the boy was really rocking out and having a blast.  After the warm up act though, he and his dad kept disappearing.  Once the main act took the stage the mom and sweet little girl jumped to their feet.  They were singing at the top of their lungs and dancing.  I seriously almost cried.  It was just so amazingly endearing to me to see this mother bonding with her child in that way.  The father and son returned and the little boy was clearly ready to leave.  The mother was ripped from her fun and forced to drop her daughters hand to attempt to calm the boy down.  He wasn't having it. 

So, here's my dilemma, the purpose for the post.  How do you choose?  Do you take away one child's enjoyment of an event that they have certainly been looking forward to.  Or, do you leave one child crying from exhaustion and frustration over all the noise.  No matter what choice you make, what do you do to ensure the "losing" child doesn't resent the "winner"?

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{The One About Daycare}

Until an hour ago, I had this post planned word for word.   Then, there was the car ride from hell. 

Rowan started daycare yesterday.  A wonderful little in home babysitter with just a handful of kids.  It's great.  Seriously, Row loves it there.  In fact, last week the hubs and I took him to visit/ meet the other kids and both times we walked through the door and he took off, ignoring us and loving them.  He cried hysterically when we left.  The second time he leaped from our arms to his teacher and hung on to her neck.  He hasn't cried once the past two days when being dropped off.  He eats his whole lunch AND snacks!  He takes a two hour afternoon nap. In a crib. Without being rocked. Jiminy frickin Christmas, he isn't my kid.  He's a better kid.  He's a better man for being at daycare.  Enter me, the brokenhearted momma.  Of course, I want my son to be happy.  Of course, I want him to socialize and love the people who care for him.  I WANTED to get back to work.  But, I mean, couldn't he at least miss me a little.  I'm like last weeks news.  I'm chopped liver.  I'm Michelle after Kelley and Beyonce went solo. 

Part II:  The Car Ride From Hell

So, then, tonight happened.  We had dinner with friends in Indy (Indianapolis for the Indiana cornfield illiterate of you) to meet their sweet baby and catch up.  Every time I went near the baby Row screamed.  He gave my girlfriend and the little nugget the meanest, analytical looks all night.  He refused to sit in his highchair and would only stop crying if he was sitting in my lap, or on the floor clinging to my feet.  He was a piece of work. Clingy, clingy work.  The kind of work that makes you sweat from someone else trying to exist in the space you are taking up in the universe.  CLINGY.  But that was the good part of the night.  On the way home he threw a tantrum for 45 minutes straight.  It was so intense he projectile vomited, TWICE.  The whole time he just held his arms out to me screaming mamamamama.  Again, enter me, heartbroken.  I finally got him to sleep by basically sitting on the arm of his car seat, both arms wrapped around him, kissing his forehead, and shushing in his ear.  Although it hurt me to see him so sad.  It was nice to be the only one in the world he wanted, to be needed and loved. 

I'm glad he loves his day home away from home.  I'm really, really glad he still loves me most.  This parenting rollercoaster never ceases to amaze me. 

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{A New Year}

I don't put much faith in fate.  I don't believe in meant to be's or master plans.  However, I was clearly destined to be a teacher. 

I get the same kind of rush each August that most people only experience January first.  There is just something so refreshing and innocent about the start of Fall and the back to school banter that fills the air.  I love redecorating my classroom.  I fill my head with goals and high ideals I know I'll probably never achieve.  I am introduced to a hundred and twenty new faces that will fill my days.  Likely, those faces with be accompanied by quite a few new challenges too.  It's my New Year because its a time for renewal and fresh starts.  Also, by the time January rolls around, I'm half way to a 3 month vacation.  Furthermore, I find Fall heavenly. 

This year, however, it is going to be bittersweet.

Rowan will be starting daycare soon.  We avoided it last year but this year there was no choice.  I know daycare is wonderful.  Honestly, I worked in one for years and know all of the benefits.  Furthermore, my child needs boundaries and routine like the desert needs the rain.  Neither of which I am great at providing.  Also, I am not cut out to be a stay at home momma.  I admire those of you who do, but I couldn't.  I love my son too much to make him spend his days stuck with a mother who is secretly longing to be elsewhere.  I love my son, but right now, I want to experience other things in addition to that love.  I need to feel fulfilled outside my home, in my career, in myself.  I am a better mother for some time away.  He is a better child for the chance to be exposed to other fantastic people and playmates.

Still though, it makes me a wee bit sad. 

So, we are spending the next two weeks the only way I know how, doing the only thing I've ever done -- preparing to go back to school.  We are cherishing our last full days together.  I'm getting my school supplies and classroom ready.  Rowan is getting a new lovey and crayons.  We are getting new school clothes and shoes.  And, I am reminding myself that Rowan is getting to share in one of my favorite past times.

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