{Things I say...}

• "He's totally cussing me out in Velociraptor right now."
• "I love a good book about teens in turmoil."
• "No! Rowan, you may not crawl on the wood floors without a diaper.  You'll get a splinter in your penis.  I don't even know how to get splinters out of those."
• "No, thanks.  I'm not that thirsty.  Plus, I'm trying not to have to pee today.  It's too hard in this outfit.  Skirt up, hose down, shimmying and shaking.  It's just too hard.  You know, like a bad rap song. "
• "Of course I was in the circus!  Everyone was where I come from."
• "Oh, don't worry, you'll know when I stab you."
• "No, pelvis is not a dirty word.  It's allowed in our book....Your pelvis is your hip bone.  We've discussed this and even if we hadn't, why would I ask you to touch yourself in class.  Believe it or not, I don't want you touching yourself in class.  Students, please understand, do not touch yourself in class...No, you can't touch anyone else either. "
• "I wish I were home right now. Or, passed out from drinking a bucket of margaritas."

Obviously, audiences vary.