{A Charming View}

{The One About Daycare}

Until an hour ago, I had this post planned word for word. Then, there was the car ride from hell.

Rowan started daycare yesterday. A wonderful little in home babysitter with just a handful of kids. It's great. Seriously, Row loves it there. In fact, last week the hubs and I took him to visit/ meet the other kids and both times we walked through the door and he took off, ignoring us and loving them. He cried hysterically when we left. The second time he leaped from our arms to his teacher and hung on to her neck. He hasn't cried once the past two days when being dropped off. He eats his whole lunch AND snacks! He takes a two hour afternoon nap. In a crib. Without being rocked. Jiminy frickin Christmas, he isn't my kid. He's a better kid. He's a better man for being at daycare. Enter me, the brokenhearted momma. Of course, I want my son to be happy. Of course, I want him to socialize and love the people who care for him. I WANTED to get back to work. But, I mean, couldn't he at least miss me a little. I'm like last weeks news. I'm chopped liver. I'm Michelle after Kelley and Beyonce went solo.

Part II: The Car Ride From Hell

So, then, tonight happened. We had dinner with friends in Indy (Indianapolis for the Indiana cornfield illiterate of you) to meet their sweet baby and catch up. Every time I went near the baby Row screamed. He gave my girlfriend and the little nugget the meanest, analytical looks all night. He refused to sit in his highchair and would only stop crying if he was sitting in my lap, or on the floor clinging to my feet. He was a piece of work. Clingy, clingy work. The kind of work that makes you sweat from someone else trying to exist in the space you are taking up in the universe. CLINGY. But that was the good part of the night. On the way home he threw a tantrum for 45 minutes straight. It was so intense he projectile vomited, TWICE. The whole time he just held his arms out to me screaming mamamamama. Again, enter me, heartbroken. I finally got him to sleep by basically sitting on the arm of his car seat, both arms wrapped around him, kissing his forehead, and shushing in his ear. Although it hurt me to see him so sad. It was nice to be the only one in the world he wanted, to be needed and loved.

I'm glad he loves his day home away from home. I'm really, really glad he still loves me most. This parenting rollercoaster never ceases to amaze me.

{A New Year}

I don't put much faith in fate. I don't believe in meant to be's or master plans. However, I was clearly destined to be a teacher.

I get the same kind of rush each August that most people only experience January first. There is just something so refreshing and innocent about the start of Fall and the back to school banter that fills the air. I love redecorating my classroom. I fill my head with goals and high ideals I know I'll probably never achieve. I am introduced to a hundred and twenty new faces that will fill my days. Likely, those faces with be accompanied by quite a few new challenges too. It's my New Year because its a time for renewal and fresh starts. Also, by the time January rolls around, I'm half way to a 3 month vacation. Furthermore, I find Fall heavenly.

This year, however, it is going to be bittersweet.

Rowan will be starting daycare soon. We avoided it last year but this year there was no choice. I know daycare is wonderful. Honestly, I worked in one for years and know all of the benefits. Furthermore, my child needs boundaries and routine like the desert needs the rain. Neither of which I am great at providing. Also, I am not cut out to be a stay at home momma. I admire those of you who do, but I couldn't. I love my son too much to make him spend his days stuck with a mother who is secretly longing to be elsewhere. I love my son, but right now, I want to experience other things in addition to that love. I need to feel fulfilled outside my home, in my career, in myself. I am a better mother for some time away. He is a better child for the chance to be exposed to other fantastic people and playmates.

Still though, it makes me a wee bit sad.

So, we are spending the next two weeks the only way I know how, doing the only thing I've ever done -- preparing to go back to school. We are cherishing our last full days together. I'm getting my school supplies and classroom ready. Rowan is getting a new lovey and crayons. We are getting new school clothes and shoes. And, I am reminding myself that Rowan is getting to share in one of my favorite past times.

Summer means being irresponsible...

So I haven't blogged because I've been driving across the state to actually spend time with the blogs main audience. I am back though with a boy with teeth, real BOY musk, and a worrisome amount of his mommas sass. In short, I've missed you and I promise never to leave for so long again...girl scouts honor.

{Welcome to My Corner of the Interwebs}

I'm participating in a blog hop this week over at D-Listed Mom Blogs and want to welcome new readers to my humble abode.

-->I'm Jamie. I'm a working momma who teaches middle school English. My husband is finishing his doctorate (Read: writing a dissertation) in Education which sometimes makes me feel like a single momma too. But, I'm not. He's amazing, supportive, and oh so perfect at everything house, marriage, and daddy related. He's just super busy. We have the most wonderful little boy! He just turns 6 months old and has rewritten my understanding of life.

--> This blog started, like so many others I'm sure, as a way to keep our families updated on my pregnancy and then it didn't... because I couldn't stay motivated to write. I was pregnant ya'll. I slept every chance I got and I can't type in my sleep. As soon as Rowan was born I realized he was a much more interesting topic. The family wanted pictures and stories. I needed an outlet to feel like myself again. So, the blog was reborn, stronger and better than ever.

--> No, but really, I use to look down upon people who blogged. I was a snob. I couldn't understand why someone would create a diary for all of the world to see. Now, I go through the day saying to myself, "Ooo I can't wait to blog about this." So maybe I'm still a snob on occasion, but I'm a snob who blogs and really wants to be part of this amazing community of bloggers who support one another on everything from multi-colored poos to death and tragedy. Be my friend please and I'll be yours. It will be great!

--> This summer will be the first I'm not working at all. Neither is my husband. I can't wait for a summer full of family time, friends, blogging and photography. Sidenote: I'm teaching myself photography. I'm hoping this blog will be a great way to chart my progress.

--> At this point some of you may be questioning if I really am a teacher based on my writing skills. I can write. Really. However, I spend all day teaching perfect grammar and marking on papers until they bleed green ink. I also teach my students that the way the talk can adapt and fit their situation. This is my blog. My home. Where I come to relax. I rarely proof read and don't care if my writing is perfect. This is a sanctuary for me, where only content matters.

--> I am truly blessed.

--> I hope you come back to visit. I can't wait to read your stories.

--> While your here, stick around to read about my definition of perfection, my love/ hate relationship with the universe, and - as always- some completely random facts.

{Sweet Success}

Success. I have been stressing a lot lately about how to measure a successful day. Is it when all of my papers are graded, lesson plans written, baby fed, husband loved, dishes done, laundry folded, dog walked, all of these things, five of these things. When is it enough to feel victorious? And then, I realized the key.

Carelessness.

As in, I don't care.

I don't care what anyone thinks I should be able to accomplish in my day. I am a full time teacher (Read: I mother 120 children. I am a secretary. I am a nurse. I am a counselor. I am a friend. I am a role model. I am a mediator. I am a business woman. I am a badass.) I am a full time mother and wife. In my down time, when it exists, I spend time on myself. Yes, my dishes are still in the sink. The bathroom needs mopped, badly. And, I may wear a pair of dirty jeans tomorrow. However, I played with my boy until he laughed and his nose turned red. I held him while he dreamed. I kissed him and he hugged me. I shared a drink with my husband and listened to the events of his day. I talked to family on the phone.

I have decided that a successful day is going to bed with a smile on my face. I have found this so much easier to do now that I've stopped worrying about what I am supposed to do and started doing what comes naturally.

{My First Mother's Day}

I woke up yesterday to slobbery kisses from my boy and amazing gifts from the hubs. Seriously, he gave me a gift for each role I play in life. Some teething bling for my momma life, a DS cooking game for my wife life, a teaching guide for my teacher life, and a novel for my me time. Beautiful. He gets me, appreciates me, and is more than I deserve. But I still couldn't wrap my head around the day being about me. After all, I wouldn't even be a mother to celebrate mother's day if it weren't for Rowan. So, I spent the whole day in absolute awe of him. I swear ever thing he did made me melt which isn't really any different than normal, but I noticed the melting. I am blessed.

Speaking of being blessed, I also had trouble focusing on me because I couldn't help but think of my own mother and how much I understand her now. It's almost uncomfortable how much I get it. Understanding a mother's love first hand is honestly the only possible way to understand it. Nothing else allows you to comprehend that depth and breadth. Knowing that someone else feels that way is almost too intimate, too personal, but alters your relationship to them forever. I know my mother's love and dedication now because I know my own. I cry when my child cries. I feel my heart burst when he laughs. I consider him with every decision I make and he never, never leaves my thoughts. At this point, I feel his emotions more intensely than he does. I love him in a way the word love doesn't do justice.

Thank you mom for loving me as only a mother can.

{Month 6, A Little Late, A Lot of Attitude}

From 2010-05-09

P.S. Ignore the hideous watermark. It will be redone in a better program later. Apparently, it's a necessity since, you know, people steal photos off blogs all the time now. For real, Google it.

{The One About Daycare}

{A New Year}

Summer means being irresponsible...

{Welcome to My Corner of the Interwebs}

{Sweet Success}

{My First Mother's Day}

{Month 6, A Little Late, A Lot of Attitude}

{Born Yesterday}

{Follow me}

{What I'm Talking About}

{These are a few of my favorite things}

{On Last Week's Episode}

{Grab My Button}

{Blogs Worth Stalking}